I'm not an Alien. I'm an Aspie Girl

I have just been outed as an Aspie Girl at the age of thirty three years, though have always felt like I was born on to the wrong planet. I'm a Radio/TV Geek, Creative Columnist & Futurist and have met many creative and successful people in the IT, media and entertainment industry who would be considered to be 'a little bit Aspergery'.

Personally I see my Aspergers as a huge gift as it means I am a creative thinker. All of us can struggle with things most people take for granted, and not all of us have savant level skills. Some of us are blessed with unusual intelligence and abilities, though can find it hard to read the visual clues of people's emotions.

One of the best things my Mum did as a child to help me compensate for my quirks, was to encourage me to do speech and drama lessons. I've had to learn how to read and communicate with people by acting like them and I'm sure if you met me you would never guess that I was mildly autistic.

My husband is also 'a little bit Aspergery' but we have a great network of friends and an amazing life in New Zealand. My Aspergers is a rare and wonderful gift. It is not a disability. To get a glimpse inside my head read Brian King's wonderful account My Aspergers.

Aspie Girls have different symptoms to Aspie Boys which is why we often go undetected. My symptoms as a child were:

Being clumsy at sports & anything physical

Gaining the name 'Dancing elephant' at a ballet recital, and always being picked last in school teams. I usually dropped the ball and I often fell over. I have since gone on to learn to juggle, and have danced on stage in front of thousands of people. Learning a little yoga, pilates and thai chi has helped heaps with my balance.

Hating bright lights, loud sudden noises, crowds of people

These can both cause me huge amounts of stress if I'm mentally unprepared for them. I find it impossible to go to the supermarket because of the lights and awful music which can get stuck in my head on a loop. I hate shopping malls without wearing shades or a peaked hat. The flickering lights literally make me feel sick. I'm also incapable of reading a map or sending a text in a moving vehicle as I get queasy easily.

Hating prickly or rough fabrics

I still loathe the feel of some things, like the touch of cheap fake fur is torture against my skin. I love soft, smooth fabrics and tactile surfaces. Intense sensations are a big part of an Aspie Girls world.

Regular bouts of 'withdrawl' and the need to sleep

This is caused by Sensory Overload and often hits me with flu like symptoms, chronic fatigue and a need to hide under a duvet. Over the years I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, neurosis, and had bouts of chronic fatigue.

Now I know that all I have to do is chill out at home and make sure I plan for time out after stressful situations to avoid this. I worked this out after trial and error and a few breakdowns along the way. I wish I'd really understood this when I was an Aspergers Teenager.

Imposter syndrome

I have often experienced an intense feeling like I'm not good enough even when I excel. Apparently Aspie Girls get this a lot. Rationally I know I'm exceptional in my own small way but sometimes I feel like I'm pretending and will eventually 'get found out'. I usually stomp on this thought now when it surfaces and if it doesn't go away then I read my blog to remind myself of my acheivements.

I hate being shouted at or forced to make eye contact

Both are still incredibly stressful for me. If I am not looking at you then I AM listening. It's just I find it very hard to make eye contact while really listening to what you are saying. If you force me to make eye contact then I may not understand your meaning and get panicked. So please don't think I'm rude if I seem to be staring at the table rather than into your gorgeous eyes.

I have always felt like an observer not a participant in the real world

Though I feel connected in cyberspace. People who get to know me online get to know the real me, rather than the me that has to act normal in public. Thankfully my husband gets this as he shares many of my Aspie quirks. We met online by the way.

I hate being lightly brushed but love bear hugs

A light brush against my skin gives me an icky feeling I call 'Nesh' and I hate people hovering close to me in the kitchen. Bear hugs are great, and I love a good hard Thai Massage.

I have been called rude, cold, hard, inhuman and alien

That's how I sometimes feel the rest of the world is treating me. I'm used to it and pretend I'm a hologram or a lost Elf.

I see words as shapes and constant animations

There is a constant cartoon running in my head, sketched over the real world like a Richard Linklater movie. I can also 'see' the internet in my head as a 3D place I visit. I think of people online as nodes in a hive of networks creating a potentially sentient organism.

I feel connected to my friends by virtual threads running between our brains. This is all in my imagination and I know it's not 'real'. It's just the way I visualise my connections with other human beings.

I'm creative & technically minded at the same time

Aspie Girls are often full of contradictions, can be brilliant artists, writers but also understand computers like me. Luckily I had the chance to try out lots of things as a child. I realised I enjoy using both my left and right brains and have practiced developing my multiple intelligences.

I certainly grok Leonardo Da Vinci, and the way he switched from scientist to artist on a daily basis. It's time to stop medicating Aspie kids, and help them create the next Renaissance...