LaQuisha Live at 5.45 p.m.



"LaQuisha’s Beauty Tips: now there’s a topic I cannot believe I have waited three years to write about. There are three main concepts which once you put into practice will result in much radiance, joy and beauty (also, my marketing person says that you will get more sex too). These concepts are: Less is more, Read the Label and Believe the Hype...

To hear La Quisha Live tune in to the TMet Drive show tomorrow at 5.45 p.m. on Twisted Radio.

New Release: Capture by Liquid Underground

Capture is Liquid Underground's debut release on TMet Recordings. It's a beautiful laid back piece of D&B. Listen to the preview and judge for yourself. Only $3 to buy online as an MP3.

Liquid Underground is Joe Nelson, a Kiwi who spent some time in Japan running a dance club (Mangafrog at the Plastic Factory, Nagoya). He returned to live in New Zealand this year and is now making lovely D&B.

Geek Humour
Via Lukas, from Bash.org:

" did you know what dell dude got busted for pot
yeah ;D
it confuses me because i always thought marijuana was a gateway drug"

Fragile @ Blend, K'road, Auckland - November 5th


TMet Media will be launching our new VJ show at Fragile with lots of yummy eye candy from TMet VJ's Lukas, Yetimon and Chelfyn...

500 Clubbers, 2 Rooms, 2 Internationals, 1 Live Act, 6 Support DJs!

The team behind Nitro and Tidy Trax NZ bring you one of the hard trance highlights of the year. Touching down this Guy Fawkes night for the first time ever in New Zealand:

Fragile 01: Technikal (UK) and ReBirth/PHATT (NAM) with High Dosage (LIVE), Taz, Justin Sane, Hoover Kitty, Andy Day, Soane & Page 3

With VJing from TMet Media.

Technikal (aka Alf Bamford - UK) and ReBirth/PHATT (aka Pierre Pienaar - NAM) are considered two of the fastest rising stars in the hard dance scene. Not only have the boys had various releases and remixes across a large range of labels including Nukleuz, Impact, Bulletproof, Mohawk and Passion, they also have recently had tracks signed to Tidy and Masif - with Technikal being part of the Masif DJ Collective.

Tickets $35 from Needle On The Record, Criminal Records, Fusion Records and usual suspects, or text "Fragile" to 858 from your vodafone mobile.

Twisted is giving you the opportunity to WIN a huge Fragile prize pack, including a Fragile T-Shirt, a Technikal CD, and a double pass to the event.

Visit the Twisted Competitions page to enter.

Bro Town - Can you handle the Jandal?



Bro Town is a new cartoon series written by the Naked Samoans who went down well at The Edinburgh Festival last year. Bro Town is being hailed as New Zealand's version of The Simpsons, and while it may not reach those lofty heights (and who could?) it's very Kiwi and very funny.

Tonight's episode (TV3 at 8 p.m.) features Lucy Lawless and last week we had cameos from the TV3 newsreaders, the 'Maaaaarvellous' John Simpson (bless him) and Caroline Hirschfield unttering the line 'Dumb Ass P Freaks'. The school teacher is Fa'afafine, a 3rd gender they have in Samoa where sons can be brought up as girls. They can even enter Fa'afafine pageants.

Bro Town reinforces all the stereotypes. The dopey Maori, the lame ass dad, the Indian Dairy owner but it does reinforced the steretypes evenly. Nothing is sacred and this is one TV show I'm going to stay in for each week. Something I haven't done in years.

Morningside for Life! Polynesian Style.

NEW Release on TMet Recordings: 'I Hear You're Leaving' by Echo

This soulful track is Echo's first release on TMet Recordings but there's lots more on the way. I Hear You're Leaving is blissed out trip hop, with an immaculate acoustic guitar solo and haunting piano that reflect the bittersweet nature of change.

Echo is a new sigining to our label, the lovely Andy Tan who was on our radio show a few weeks ago. He's Wellington based and makes beautiful mellifluous music. There's also a new track on it's way. Watch this space.

Choose Life

"You know you have only one life. You know it is a precious, extraordinary, unrepeatable thing: the product of billions of years of serendipity and evolution. So why waste it by handing it over to the living dead?"

(Thanks to Chelfyn) This is a fantastic piece from George Monbiot about choosing life as a career path. He offers some good words of warning about taking old skool careers advice using journalism as his guide.

"be wary of following the careers advice your college gives you...It teaches you to do what you don’t want to do, to be what you don’t want to be. It is an exceptional person who emerges from this process with her aims and ideals intact. Indeed it is an exceptional person who emerges from this process at all. What the corporate or institutional world wants you to do is the complete opposite of what you want to do. It wants a reliable tool, someone who can think, but not for herself: who can think instead for the institution."

Instead he advocates the political advice offered by Benjamin Franklin: "whenever you are faced with a choice between liberty and security, choose liberty. Otherwise you will end up with neither."

All too often people cling on to jobs that make them desperately unhappy. Like Tim in the Office they find themselves stuck in a rut but unable to break free.The bonds are usually monetary reasons. He offer this wise advice on keeping your lifestyle simple: "If you can live on five thousand pounds a year, you are six times as secure as someone who needs thirty thousand to get by."

Wise words indeed. After all who really needs a bigger TV? I always envied my friend Liz who could leave on the dot of 5 p.m. each night and not give work another thought until 9 a.m. I eventually learned her secret. It was down to a daily dose of Dilbert.

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN ITS TIME TO VOTE SAVE BLOWHOLE FM...

Goodmorning Fellow New Zealanders and overseas friends.

Welcome to a fantastic Tuesday Morning..

Well maybe for you - though not for us here at Blowhole FM..

Since I spoke to you all last - many things have happened including the indication from the Ministry of economic Development That a replacement frequency has been found and all is to be well at this stage - for this I thank The Hon David Cuncliffe and his wonderful office as well as the Hon Steve Mahary's Office - together with some excellent people from within our govt's walls we are now seeing a light at the end of the tunnel...

The sad part is at 2 pm 27th September (yesterday) Four members of the MED's Radio spectrum management arrived here in Tauranga armed with a search warrant and seizure document dismantled and took Blowhole FM's Broadcast Rig with them now taking us off the air!!!

Not for long though - being central Kiwis we don't give up at 3 pm yesterday a replacement rig was set up and now back on the air - as mentioned previous WE WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!

The action taken by the MED has created quite a substantial uproar here in The Bay of Plenty - with protests being planned (not by Blowhole Officials rather our listeners) signwritten cars "Save Blowhole FM" are today being written (at the owners own costs).

This move has changed the history of this City and is continuing to do so.. Certainly not in a good way...

With Two fines incurred (both Paid) and now threats of court action against us for broadcasting on 106.4, although as intelligent people we understand there are rules to be adhered to - though at the end of the day - all we are doing is providing a non political New Zealand and international local music service - we do not make a profit and none of us receive a wage - hence to be further prosecuted for just trying to survive is really quite upsetting to both 10% of the population of The Bay of Plenty as well us!!

This is not some "plaything radio station" that a bunch of kids want to keep for their own fun - rather a very intricate part of the BOP community that at present Red Tape is disturbing - I not only ask though beg on behalf of the ten plus thousand people who have now responded to our plight PLEASE PLEASE HELP US SAVE BLOWHOLE FM!!!!!!

Again we thankyou for taking the time out of your busy schedules to read this email to you - media coverage of this situation will restart today.

Have the most wonderful day all of you - thankyou for the wonderful jobs you all do in your positions and for the time and efforts you have all put into this situation to date.

I look forward to being able to send you better news in my next update..


Brent D Gilbert

Email your support to BLOWHOLE FM 97.4 TAURANGA blowholefm@xtra.co.nz

Teledildonics



Thanks to Ouroboros:The Ins and Outs of Teledildonics. As a geek it's a subject I find quite fascinating. Are you having sex with another person or a ghost in the machine?

"You probably want to stick to the dashboard if you're at the office, but for home use, the Interactive Fleshlight is where it's at. The Fleshlight is a standard, sleeve-style vibrator for men, with a twist: It's also a transmitter. It measures the speed and force of each thrust and communicates those metrics to the software, which translates them into vibration and pulse on the other end. In other words, a man can be thrusting in Cleveland while a woman is penetrated in Seattle, and the cybersex experience gets one step closer to the holodeck"

Never mind the Zipless Fuck now we have Remote Rogering and Server Side Sex. It certainly sounds like fun: "We were all impressed with the surprisingly substantial vibrator, which features rotating plastic pearls in the shaft and a vibrating bunny for external stimulation."

However I was a little concerned by the warning for users of Windown XP: "If you use Windows XP, make sure to read the installation note in the user guide and save yourself some frustration."

I shudder to think of what happens when it crashes...

For more about teledildonics /tel`*-dil-do'-niks/ /n./ Sex in a computer simulated virtual reality, esp. computer-mediated sexual interaction between the VR presences of two humans:

Teledildonics - the future of sex.
Virtual Sex Machine NSFW!

A magazine of firsts: Lucire previews October 4 launch

Fashion magazine Lucire, which launches on October 4 at a star-studded function hosted by Amber Peebles (Miss World New Zealand and star of TV2’s City Celebrity, Country Nobody), claims numerous firsts as it prepares to hit New Zealand newsstands. According to publisher Jack Yan:

* it is the first fashion magazine, and one of the first-ever magazines, to make the jump from web to print;
* it is New Zealand’s first fashion monthly;
* its team interacts with its readers regularly on a forum to share ideas and to keep connected with the "real world";
* it is probably the first magazine in the world to tell readers how much the company makes per issue in a breakdown of its revenues;
* it was the first New Zealand fashion magazine to announce it would go with a larger 235 by 335 mm format, in January 2004;
* it is the first mainstream magazine to have invested, nearly exclusively, in New Zealand-designed fonts. All of its New Zealand competitors feature American and European typefaces;
* it was the first fashion title to be named as a partner of the United Nations Environment Programme;
* from its newsstand sales’ revenue, it will be one of the first fashion titles to head toward Carbon Neutral status, meaning that Lucire will attempt to its counter the carbon dioxide emissions from production by growing new trees with Future Forests.

How cool is that?

"It's time to rethink the cool. Let's turn shoes into a counter branding tool. Let's buy shoes from an anti-corporation where customers have a say. Let's pit the swoosh against the anti-swoosh. Which side are you on?"

There are only 800 pairs of Blackspot Sneakers left and I've already ordered mine. Support Ethical Fashion in action and buy some today.

-------To: Subject: YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY

Subject: God Bless New Zealand Women

We all know that it is a sin for an Islamic male to see any woman other than
his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does. So next Sunday
at 16:00, all New Zealand women are asked to walk out of their house
completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your
block for one hour is recommended for this antiterrorist effort. All men are
to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they
are not terrorists, and to demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude
women other than their wife and to show support for all New Zealand women.
And since the Koran also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at
your side is further proof of your antiterrorist sentiment.

The New Zealand Government would appreciate your efforts to root out
terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti terrorist activity.

God bless New Zealand.

La Quisha Live at 5.45 on Twisted Radio



We have a new special guest starting on the TMet Drive show today - the lovely La Quisha - the Diva with the biggest Beehive in Wellington and our very own Twisted Agony Aunt. Tune in to Twisted Radio at 5.45 on Fridays for tips on increasing your leisure time...

Mixmasters for Mistress Dirtbag
Do you fancy yourself a bit of a mixmaster? if so get your Twisted Minimixes to Mistress Dirtbag for her Resurrection Breakfast shows.

Don't try to Pacify a Shihad

"The New Zealand band that changed its name to Pacifier to break into the US market after the September 11 terrorist attacks is changing it back to Shihad. The Wellington band says the change from Shihad to Pacifier in January 2002 was a mistake. "

It's like when Massive Attack changed their name to Massive during the first Gulf War. Something they now say they regretted. I'm glad Shihad are claiming their name back after changing it to Pacifier in a bid to break the USA. Unfortunately I heard that lead singer Jon Toogood's Mum had the name Pacifier tattoed on her back. That's going to be an interesting cover up job.

13 things PMS stands for

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

Definition of RAW SUPASTAR DJS
"Believe it or not but the Raw Supastar DJs show has been running for 19mths now.. eeekk ...

RAW - This is defined by the fact the show is not edited to f*ck, changed and pretty much ripped up to make the DJ look like a dork. So rest assured what the DJ says is in fact the answer to the question asked by me.

SUPASTAR - Please note supastar has an A not an ER meaning these DJ's that are interviewed may not be ranked internationally but are bloody great in their own right to those who listen and enjoy their tunes.

DJ - This part is obvious, however I love nothing more than to interview an artist who pumps out music which ever way they do. (Please note even though playing air guitar although internationally recognised may be classed as music it may not b to the shows advantage to interview you on a radio show for listeners entertainment)"

Well done to Nik* for 19 months of producing a top New Zealand dance radio show. You can catch Raw Supastar DJs featuring a NZ DJ Thursdays from 6 pm. on Twisted Radio.

The Joys of Webcams
Do you know what your tech team get up to at 3.00p.m.?



Coding your website? Yeah right!

Early Birds get cheap New Year's Eve tickets


Tickets are now on sale for The Full Circle on New Year's Eve. Chelfyn and I will be flying down from Auckland with Helix, Justin Sane & Kells, and then hooking up on the South Island with Mr Oz, VJ Yetimon and the rest of the Welly crew. It's going to be heaps of fun and I'm planning on filming the roadtrip and party for a doco.

Early bird tickets are available to buy online for $80 at the Full Circle website. You can also pick them up at the Hemp Store (Queen's Street, Auckland),Invisible in Takaka, or Cosmic Corner in Christchurch, Wellington and Dunedin. They will be going up to $120 nearer the event. It's the only big New Year's Eve Party this year in the South Island and there will only be 2000 tickets for sale. I can't wait!

Ouroboros Presents
Some cracking psy-trance on Twisted (every Wednesday from 9 - 11 p.m.) and lots of pictures of Mistress Dirtbag's breasts on his blog. Now the weather is getting warmer, it's hard to keep them under wraps. He has also found a fantastic link to a site about the Trance Vibrator...

"Pretty soon the levels and the images onscreen were just a faint blur to me. I knocked off my glasses and leaned back. I was in a daze. From far away, it seemed, I could hear Justin saying things like, "I made it to the next level!" and "This is cool!" but I was lost in my own little trance vibrating world."

Now I know what I want for Christmas!

King Kong movie news and rumors

"Day 8 of Peter Jackson's production diary features Academy Award Winning VFX Photographer, Alex Funke giving us a sneak peek at one of the trees from Skull Island!!! He then heads down to the Venture set where we catch Jack Black (Carl Denham) in full costume using a genuine classic film camera. Take a look! "

A Geek Girl's Guide to Getting Off
Do you have a love affair with your laptop? Well know it can get you off with an Alternative Power Vibrator which runs off your USB port:

"We here at Blowfish try to be green. We buy recycled paper and bio-degradable packing peanuts. We recycle our boxes, paper (at least the stuff that doesn't have to be shredded), metals, and plastics. We reuse the packing materials that come in shipments from our vendors. And now we have some toys that will help you eliminate the need to buy and then properly dispose of used up batteries! At first these ideas seemed silly, but then we thought about just how many batteries we were burning through with our vibrators and realized that they weren't such a crazy idea after all. "



Apparently this model - the USB Powered Multi-Mode Bullet features 10 different vibration modes: Low, Medium, and High Vibration, Pulsate, Surge, Intra-Surge, Intermittent, Escalate-Step, Rollercoaster, and Gradient Burst.

Gradient Burst sounds rather alarming!

Chelfyn wins The Bush Raps (Re)Mix Contest!
"New Zealand's Chelfyn is the winner of The Bush Raps (Re)Mix Contest! Chelfyn was a late entry in the contest, but immediately shot ahead of the crowd with his awesome tune The Evil Plans of George W. Bush III. 2nd Prize goes to MC Articulate for the song wwwBush. 3rd Prize goes to Celso Solano for their song, The Cause Is Drugs. 4th place goes to Broken Snowman, with Hundreds of Pounds."



Chelfyn wants to thank everyone who voted for The Evil Plans of George W Bush IIIrd and to dedicate it to Dubya's re-election campagin.

Deadly toys from the 70s
There were some ugly toys in the 70s (remember Gonks?) but nothing was as bad as the Cabbage Patch Kid. I hated their Chucky like horribleness and am glad I didn't know this:



"My favourite dangerous toy was the Snacktime Cabbage Patch Kid. Looking to inject new life into the sagging sales of the toyline, a model was made that would move its mouth up and down and chew food you'd give it. Put a plastic carrot in it's mouth, and it'd munch it up.

The problem was, the CPKs had a particularly sick craving for little kid's hair. Once a long blonde lock got caught inside, the possessed devil-doll would start chewing and swallowing the hair like some zombie from Evil Dead 2, sometimes chewing all the way up to the scalp."

Aaaaaaaargh!

Dubya & the Dominatrix
Always thought that Dubya needs a damn good spanking? To celebrate 10 years of kinky knickers and filthy frillies Agent Provocateur has released a Dubya & the Dominatrix video starring Hollywood's hottest burlesque temptress Dita Von Teese, George Dubya and Tony Blair.

The Battle of the Bands

From a very excited Rich at Manic:
"Runninghouse have won the South Auckland Battle of the Bands Final...the National final is at The Studio on K Road, 1st October, Friday..yaaaaaaayyy! Rock on !!!!...Rich Manic...x

Indies.co.nz

As an independent New Zealand record label TMet Recordings has joined Independent Music New Zealand Incorporated (IMNZ), a group set up to provide a voice for the interests of New Zealand independent recording labels and distributors.

It's really exciting to be part of a bigger collective of New Zealand indies and we're the first digital download label to join.

The World's Shortest Blog: Just One Question...
"How many times have you been arrested, Mr. President?" *

*$1428.62 Bounty to the first person to ask George W. Bush this question in a public forum."



Chelfyn's track The Evil Plans of George W Bush IIIrd is still in first place in The Bots' George Bush Raps remix contest with 14.7% of the votes. It's closely followed by MC Articulate's track 'wwwBush' at 14.1% and Celso Solano's 'The Cause Is Drugs' in third place with 11.7%. You can listen to all of the tracks or vote for your favourite track at The Bots website, but get your votes in quickly as the competition closes on September 15th.

I also recommend you watch The Bots' Fuzzy Math video (3MB) featuring Dubya and his crazy cronies. It's brilliant.

Master of the Nerdiverse
Via Wired: "You've also had a couple dozen buyout offers for craigslist. Aren't you tempted to cash out, move from your foggy neighborhood, and buy an island somewhere?

I admit that when I think of the money one could make from all this, I get a little twinge. But I'm pretty happy with nerd values: Get yourself a comfortable living, then do a little something to change the world."

What a cool guy. With Google telling us Don't be Evil and people like Craig turning down the chance to make mega bucks - maybe the geeks will inherit the earth.

A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys
"Why Geek Dudes Rule
They are generally available.
Other women will tend not to steal them.
They can fix things.
Your parents will love them.
They're smart."

I love geeks so much - I married one.

Rocky Horror for the Chemical Generation
Wow. Spring has arrived with big stompy boots on, and is bouncing up and down in glee. So are we right now because things are going swimmingly. This week kicked off with a phonecall on Monday morning from a South Island promoter wanting to book Chelfyn for New Year's Eve. Hopefully we'll be flying down to Christchurch to play at The Full Circle an outdoor festival being held at Cobbs Valley (a stunningly beautiful site on the northern tip of the South Island) where they used to hold The Gathering.

Life has also been a lot more fun since finding a new partner in crime - Dirtbag (the Twisted Breakfast Bitch) or Mistress Dirtbag as she is now known. She's a potent mix of Fijian & American Indian with two black belts in martial arts. A veritable kick ass chick.



We bonded recently over tequila and Preaching to the Perverted. Melody maker called it "Rocky Horror for the Chemical Generation" and it's one of my all time favourite films. My nickname MsBehaviour was given to me by my gay flatmate from working at Spank!, a Bristol club night catering to the fetish scene. I could have made a fortune with the offers I got, but I'm too fluffy to be a real dominatrix.

Anyway, Mistress Dirtbag and MsBehaviour (the Twisted Sisters) already have a Slave 1 the lovely Ourobouros (twisted radio: Wednesdays from 9 pm in NZ). He doesn't seem too bothered about his new status and took Mistress cookies today for her Resurrection Breakfast show (twisted radio: weeekdays from 8.00 am in NZ).



Mistress Dirtbag also has a Minion to do her Wednesday Breakfasts from Hell, so she's collecting them fast. If I wasn't married - I'd be jealous but at least I can live vicariously...

Now that spring is here we've also kicked off TMet Studio Sessions every Saturday. It's a chance to get a load of creative people together and see what comes out of the collective. We've been having a heap of fun over the past few weeks. We've managed to record a hip hop track for a young lad entering the P-Money Beats Competition and we've recorded a load of Twisted stings and station idents, my favourite being 'Twisted - for geeks, freaks and uniques'. That pretty much sums up the Twisties.

As well as wrangling the boys, I'm also trying to get all the girls I know who work at magazines, tv and radio together for a Auckland media chick hookup. Which will definitely involve alcohol and possibly a strip club.

The New Zealand Dance Chart

New Zealand has it's own Top of the Pops, and now we have our very first New Zealand Dance Chart coming to a radio near you soon!